MAILBOX MIXTAPES

You send me anonymous mixes. I listen. Think of it as the PostSecret of mixtapes.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Tape 1

Tape 1/Track 1

Space sounds? Whale noises? Is that Sting? Is this Enya?

This isn’t Sting. Still might be Enya. Or Enigma. Or someone trying to sound like Sarah MacLachlan.

I don’t know what this is, but it is bad. That said, in 1990, I’d have thought this was great. Not off the charts maybe, but good.

The lead singer is female and has this laughably put on sultry voice and keeps saying things like “take me now” and “I hear the beast” and something about being up against a tree.

Wait. It just kicked into another gear. What seconds before sounded like Enigma now sounds like bad Madonna or the Bangles. Maybe Janet Jackson. She keeps saying “we are the wild ones.” Is that the title? Should I google this, or just go with it?

If I had to guess, just from this first track, a teenage girl (maybe a young woman in college) made this mix.

OK, now it’s getting a kind of 90’s dance club feel. The lyrics are raunchier. Now the lead singer is singing “insatiable” on repeat. That’s my new guess for song title.

Whoa, now we’re talking about “a gag in the mouth” and I think someone got licked. If a girl (I still think it’s a girl) gave me this mix in high school, I’d have been extremely nervous about said girl.

“Insatiable” on repeat and fade out. Wow.

Tape 1/Track 2

Same 90’s dance club feel, this time right from the start. I think this might be the same woman. What if this isn’t a mix tape? What if this is just one album by one artist? Oh man, please don’t be one album.

“Have you seen my bustier?” the lead singer asks and asks like she wants to show it to you, not like she misplaced it.

I hate this song.

Tape 1/Track 3

This is definitely one album by one artist. Can I fast forward through this?

Curiosity got the best of me and I started looking up lyrics on Google. No luck. Tried lyrics from 3 tracks. Nothing.

Is it possible that this is a home recording of unreleased stuff? That does heighten my interest. Much as I’m unsure about the girl (woman?) who might have carried around this album in her walkman, I am far more curious about the woman who might have recorded it in a home studio. Hmmm…

This stuff is Madonna on her worst day. This track is definitely inspired by Vogue, except that it is truly awful.

“Let’s you and me bump and grind…” she suggests. Bump and grind? This was recorded in…1996. I’m guessing ’96. I was definitely about to graduate college when this was recorded.

Tape 1/Track 4

It’s official. This is one artist/one album. Possibly songs from various albums by the same artist. This music is so time specific it makes me nostalgic, despite the fact that I’m hearing it for the first time. It makes me think of Sophie B. Hawkins, even though it sounds nothing like her. It makes me think of 4 Non Blondes.

I think this song is called Compulsive Jane. It is certainly about someone called Compulsive Jane.

When I enter “Compulsive Jane” into Wikipedia, I am directed to Fem2Fem. Wikipedia has this to say about Fem2Fem:

Fem2Fem was a 1990s techno group who released two albums. With actress Lezlie Deane of Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare as a member, Fem2Fem were the first and (so-far only) openly lesbian pop group to chart. But only some of the members of Fem2Fem were lesbians, and according to lead singer Michele Crispin their intentions at the beginning were to promote a healthy view of sexuality with their music, regardless of sexual orientation. However, an appearance by the band in the December 1993 issue of Playboy magazine and the non-political nature of their Sapphic lyrics led to criticism by some in the LGBT community that the band was merely playing to the prurient interests of a heterosexual male audience.

Wow. I don’t know about “prurient interests of a heterosexual male audience,” but the rest of this is dead on. It makes perfect sense that Lezlie Deane is a member of this band, and I don’t even know who Lezlie Deane is. Still, I cannot imagine the heterosexual male who would listen to this music.

(From Wikipedia: Fem2Fem went on to star in the erotic cyber-musical Voyeurz…running for six months and drawing an audience of celebrities including Jack Nicholson.)

You know what? I could see Jack Nicholson taking “prurient interest” in this band. Absolutely.

The track just cut off in the middle. End of side A? Too soon. Check tape. Not too soon. End of side A.  I think I might have gotten distracted by Wikipedia and allowed tracks to flow into one another without my noticing.

Tape 1/Track 9?

A song called Scream Queen kicks off side B. Wikipedia informs me that Scream Queen is track 9 on the Fem2Fem album titled Animus. How did I miss 5 tracks?!

Wait. Track 5 is supposed to be Compulsive Jane. Is this a mix of the best stuff off of Animus? Will pay close attention to the next track to see how this plays out.

Tape 1/Track 10?

This track is called Worship, which is track 10 on Animus. Will stick around for another track just to see if we’ve got the entire album on here. Can’t see how I missed 5 tracks.

FYI, Worship is the worst track on this tape, by far. And that is saying something. Fem2Fem are really bad.

Tape 1/Track ??

All she sang was “lay me down…come to me” on repeat for about 90 seconds. No idea what song that was supposed to be. Animus does not feature a song titled Lay Me Down nor one titled Come To Me.

Tape 1/Track 12

OK, Where Did Love Go? is supposed to follow Animus (title track), which follows Worship. So, that last song must have been Animus.

(From Wikipedia: The cover of their first album, including the font, was designed to be a distaff version of Trans-Europe Express by Kraftwerk.)

This track will not end. I think she just keeps saying “yeah” and “no no” over and over again.

I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to assume that this tape doesn’t suddenly segue into Stripped by Depeche Mode. I’m out. On to tape 2.

Oh. One last thing from Wikipedia: Alitzah (that’s right, one of the members has just one name) left the group early on and later became the lead singer for the American pop girl group Nobody’s Angel.


Album just ended as I was typing. Little bit of dead air and...end of side B.

That was awful. If I had to guess, this mixtape was made by an 18 year old straight girl named...Angie.

No.

Missy.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

P.S. Lezlie Deane is now the lead singer of Scary Cherry and the Bang Bangs. It only gets worse.