MAILBOX MIXTAPES

You send me anonymous mixes. I listen. Think of it as the PostSecret of mixtapes.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Mailbox Mixtape #1

So, it's been awhile since my last blog post. That's because the intriguing experiment I had hoped this blog would be turned into a box of full-length albums transfered to tape. It's funny for one post, hanging on at two, and not compelling at all by post three. However, my previous post suggested another direction this blog might take. I have waited weeks for takers. Finally, my first mailbox mix arrived. And the 2.0 version of this blog began. So, without further ado...

The mix is a cd and comes in the most basic of packaging, no interesting artwork, etc. Not a problem. Sender's not an artist, neither am I. I like cool packaging, but I certainly don't insist on it. Let the music speak for itself. Good work not sending the track listing. Makes me listen harder and gets us closer to one of the qualities that makes mix tapes superior, the difficulty of skipping ahead. Interestingly, the only clue as to who this sender might be is that is has a title. The title is Heffie's Mix. I know no one named Heffie. This is less than a clue.

Track 1
In less than seconds, I know the song. One of the most recognizable openings I know. This is "Heard It Through The Grapevine". Only takes another note or two to realize that this is not Marvin Gaye. You have kicked off this mix by (unknowingly, I'm sure) using one of my favorite songs by (almost certainly) a lesser artist. This does not bode well. Still, we move forward.

Oy. This cover was recorded in the 80s. This may be the guy who sings the theme to Moonlighting. Or his whiter cousin. The background music sounds like a karaoke track. It's also possible that this is the version sung by the California Raisins.

On second thought, it sounds too white to be the California Raisins.

Well, that was forgettable. On to track 2. Send me your address, sender, and I'll burn you Marvin Gaye and Gladys Knight's versions of this song. It will change your life.

Track 2
OK, I kind of dig this song. I think it's called "California" and may be by that band that Jason Schwartzman was the drummer for. It'll come to me.

The fact that this song is called "California" (99% sure that's what it's called, given the fact that the lead singer repeats the name of said state over and over again throughout said song) makes me wonder again if that first song was the California Raisins. Is that the theme here, sender? Is Heffie from California? Is she just a big fan of the OC?

Wait a minute; wasn't this the theme song for the OC? Anyway, I like the piano lick on this.

Phantom Planet. The name of the band is Phantom Planet. And Jason Schwartzman was the drummer.

Interesting sidenote: I once made book recommendations to Jason Schwartzman when he was in the store. Nice guy. Way short.

OK sender, I like this song. I don't love it and I don't know what it is you're trying to tell me about you or Heffie (are you Heffie?), but you have my attention.

Track 3
Wow. This was unexpected. Track 3 is "Rocky Top Tennessee". Not sure who's performing this version, but I dig it. This is, frankly, a difficult song for me not to like, no matter who's performing it. I just really like this song.

How did you know I liked this song, Heffie? How did you know about those camp counselors I thought were so cool when I was in the 5th grade because they were sort of younger and seemed to get that I was nerdy and lonely and let me sit around while the other kids were back in their cabins and listen to them perform bluegrass tunes? How did you know this was the song that I learned all the words to by time the week was out?

So, California and Tennessee. Still doesn't explain that first song. Unless track four is going to be performed by Tennessee Ernie Ford. That would be pretty funny, actually.

Heffie, I sort of love you for this track. At the very least, I completely forgive you for track one.

Track 4
Ok, I think I know this song. This sounds like a band trying to sound like Queen and Kiss and failing.

Oh. This is that band The Darkness. I believe this is called "I Believe In A Thing Called Love". That or "Touching You, Touching Me".

Not gonna lie, Heffie, this song sort of gets on my nerves. They're so in on the joke, and not in a Spinal Tap way. They are to Spinal Tap what the Broadway cast of Monty Python is to the real Monty Python; the genius of the original is that they never wink, the weakness of the copycat is that they're one big wink.

Not sure how these songs hang together.

Track 5
OK Heffie, you are either a genius or certifiably insane. Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achy Breaky Heart"? Kudos. I am officially thrown. I have to assume that this mix either isn't meant to tell me anything about you or is intended to reveal the secrets of the universe, if only I can decipher its clues.

On the other hand, maybe Heffie was your camp counselor. Maybe that's all this is. And you know what, sender? That would be OK. Those camp counselors deserve their mix, the good ones are so rare.

Track 6
"California Girls". Well, I'm stumped. Just when I was sure this couldn't be about California, you throw this into the mix. I need to pause and regroup.

I have to say, sender, I have been assuming you're Heffie, but it's possible that Heffie's your girl. Here's the scenario as I currently envision it:

You are a male or female from somewhere in Tennessee. You're into lame country music because you were born in the mid to late 80s somewhere near Nashville and don't know any better. Heffie is a female from California. You and Heffie met one summer when you attended the same summer camp. She quickly became either your best friend, your girlfriend or your best friend you wish was your girlfriend. This is your mix, but it is also, as titled, Heffie's mix. Am I close, sender?

Track 7
First song that I don't even kind of recognize. No surprise. This is electronica/dance club music, and not LCD Soundsystem or Daft Punk. This is the sort of song they feature on Time Life's Let's Dance series, alongside Pink's "Get The Party Started". This may, in fact, be Pink.

This is the first song on this mix that I want to skip. "Heard It Through The Grapevine" is a classic, even if you picked the wrong version. "Achy Breaky Heart" scratches at a kind of generic nostalgia that has me singing along before I have the chance to change the channel.

She keeps singing "I'm gonna get through this". This will become my Track 7 mantra. I'm gonna get through this. I'm gonna get through this. I'm gonna-

OK, I'm skipping to track 8.

Track 8
The opening bars scream bad 90s country.

This guy's voice is 90s country. Maybe 80s. This guy listens to a lot of George Strait.

I have never heard this song before. I wish I had never heard it, period. I think he just told some girl to "kiss his glass".

Sounds like this song is titled "Brokenheartsville" (I can only assume that's one word). Did you and Heffie have a falling out? Because this is what a kid from Nashville listens to when his/her California girl from summer camp breaks his/her heart. Actually, I don't think a girl would listen to this song to mourn the loss of another girl. If this song is about Heffie leaving you, then you are a guy. It's also possible that some Nashville guy made you this mix and your sending it to me is your way of reaching out and/or punishing him.

Track 9
OK, I LOVE this song! How do you follow "Brokenheartsville" with Bobby Darin?! Are you messing with me?

That said, "Beyond the Sea" could be another California reference. Does your lover stand on golden sands? Are you the lover?

I'm going to say that two women don't share a Bobby Darin song. If this is a song shared by lovers, then one of them is a guy.

Track 10
"Hotel California"? Couldn't have been a bit more obvious, sender? Somebody is from California. Is it you? Is it Heffie? Are you Heffie? Did you meet at summer camp?

What can I say about this song? Everyone on earth has heard this song and everyone has their mind firmly made up as to its merits. I don't need to make a case for/against it.

That said, I like this song. I like the Eagles. So who the hell am I to judge you, sender? One could certainly argue that Don Henley is just as impossible as whoever sings "Brokenheartsville".

Man, this song is long.

This song really creeped me out as a kid. I could imagine this place with a sort of pseudo-Satanic decadence. This song makes me feel the same way that Three Dog Night's "Eli's Coming" makes me feel. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K, Heffie. And at the Hotel California. Eli is, indeed, coming. And he's making it rain oil out of the sky.

This song never ends. I take it back, Heffie, the reason why people hate this song is because they have to listen to all of it. Only song it's possible to love up front and hate by the end.

Track 11
Back to bad country. This time with a bit of bad Billy Joel piano ballad.

Oh, I see what you just did 90s country guy. You set me up. This is a bad country beer commercial song with a bad breakup beginning. Which is another way of saying that I want to hunt down and kill whoever it is singing this song.

Does he keep singing "kissee kissee smoochee smoochee"? I'm a pacifist, Heffie, but I want to beat this guy to death.

This guy wants to be every country song ever performed by Garth Brooks or Alan Jackson and fails miserably.

Pretty sure this song is titled "I Got A Brand New Girlfriend". Is this a kiss off to Heffie?

Track 12
I know this song, but not this version. This is like an acoustic cut of a Bob Schneider song, except it's not Bob Schneider. Who is this?

Is this John Mayer? AAAAAAaaaaaggggghhhh!!! Who IS this?

"Am I livin' it right? Am I livin' it right? Why Georgia why?"

Don't love this song, though this acoustic version is better than the original.

Wait, someone just laughed in the background. This is live in a club somewhere. Wait! Almost had it. Dangit.

Who IS THIS?!

I think this is John Mayer. That is unforgivable, sender. Don't send me mixes with The Beach Boys and John Mayer. They just confuse me and make me angry. Genius smacks up against "meh".

Track 13
Another one of my favorite songs done as a bad cover. Almost assuredly the same guy as track one. If you're going to use "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" why not use The Temptations? Are you trying to hurt me, sender? Did someone put you up to this?

Send me your address, sender. I will burn you a Motown mix that includes the original "Grapevine" as well as the original "Ain't Too Proud". I don't want to be a snob, but this is ridiculous.

To your credit, Track 13 is the last track and you clearly meant to begin and end with the same artist. I like that kind of thoughtfulness. In the future, make sure that artist is either Marvin Gaye or at least one of The Temptations.

You took a big risk being the first one out of the gate there, sender. I didn't promise to love your mix or to go easy on it, and you sent it on ahead anyway. I didn't love it, but I tried not to be too harsh. I hope we can still be friends. I wish I had a better understanding of what you were trying to say, but maybe you just had to be there. Maybe you just had to be Heffie. Maybe you are Heffie. Whether you are or not, I thank you for putting yourself out there and I hope you'll inspire others to do the same.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

We Interrupt This Blog For A Special Announcement

So, if Missy is as consistent as I think she's going to be, I am looking forward to another 32 tapes worth of albums transfered to tape.

Which could be interesting, or boring as hell.

Still, what I wanted this blog to be still feels possible, even probable.

But I'm going to need your help.

While I continue on with Missy's collection, I would like to begin a second project that, should it begin to take hold, will quickly eclipse this current one.

The project is Mail Box Mix Tapes.

The idea is this. My readership, who I am certain are more creative and interesting than Missy, begin to send me mix tapes in the mail.

Be as creative with the packaging as you'd like, but leave a bit of mystery as to track listing and sender of tape.

I will blog about your mix tapes as I will continue to with Missy's.

Think of this as the PostSecret of mixtapes.

Send to:
Kester Smith
1603-A Cinnamon Path
Austin, TX 78704

I look forward to hearing from you.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Tape 2/Side 2

Tape 2/Side 2/Track 1

OK, so this tape has a side 2 and it isn’t the Ramones. I don’t know who this is. Someone grungy, but not in a good way. Punky grungy. Bad Pearl Jam meets bad Nirvana. I don’t know what this is, but I already hate it. Missy, you’re killing me.

This guy is definitely going for a Cobain thing with the voice. Oy.

Track 2

I can already tell this is just one artist/band. COME ON Missy!! You know what, this isn’t Missy. Missy wouldn’t do this to me. This is Bill or Bob or Rod or Ron. Shame on you, Bill. This isn’t creative at all.

OK, so this band is almost certainly from the mid to late 90’s. Filled with unbelievable angst (as in, I don’t believe this guy is actually filled with angst). I think he is saying, “Sharon comes down now.” Or he is demanding that Sharon come down. And he means NOW. Sharon, no kidding, I’d stay in your room.

Track 3

Oh man, it just gets worse. Rod, you have the worst taste ever. I think he’s yelling, “Like my Aunt Tilly’s brain!” This makes no sense to me and yet disturbs me to no end.

I think he just said something about cotton candy.

He may be saying “explain” and not “-ly’s brain.” Ok then, explain. Because I am annoyed and confused.

Track 4

Wait. This song sounds familiar. Is it just because it sounds like the 90’s? What is this song?

“Up up up is down, turn turn turn around” and etc. Surely Google can help me now.

Google is no help. I think he is singing about “Saltines in the bedroom.”

“Saltines” may be “sometimes”

Track 5

Ho. Ly. Crap. This is “Molly’s Lips”. Which means this isn’t bad Nirvana, this is Nirvana. And I love Nirvana. But I was less than digging those first 3 songs. I’m not sure what to make of you, Rod, except that you may still be Missy.

Shinola. The tape just shredded in the player. That’s what I get for badmouthing Nirvana. Sorry Missy. Sorry Kurt. This tape is no more.

I can only assume that this is a sampling of Nirvana songs not featured on LPs. The world may never know.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Tape 2

Tape 2/Track 1

People cheering. Guitar.

“Hey, we’re the Ramones, this one’s called Rockaway Beach. 1-2-3-4!”

Pretty sure this is from NYC 1978. Solid live album. Still, hoping this is the beginning of a mix and not the beginning of NYC 1978. We shall see.

This could also be It’s Alive. Haven’t heard either in years. Think both begin with Rockaway Beach.

Do all Ramones live albums begin with Rockaway Beach? Wikipedia, here I come.

According to Wikipedia, It’s Alive and NYC 1978 both begin with “Rockaway Beach” followed by “Teenage Lobotomy.”

Tape 2/Track 2

Just kicked into “Teenage Lobotomy.” So, this isn’t a mix tape either. Which is disappointing. Only real mystery now is whether this is It’s Alive or NYC 1978. This will be difficult to discern as Wikipedia has this to say about the two live albums:

[NYC 1978] was recorded only seven days after the concert on It’s Alive and, as such, is similar. The tracklisting is the same, with the exception of “Judy Is A Punk” not being on NYC 1978.

Tape 2/Track 3

Joey Ramone just talked about how glad he is to be back in London. I can only surmise that this is not recorded in NYC. Track 3, by the way, is “Blitzkrieg Bop.”

As I said before, this is a solid live album. Reviewers seem to prefer It’s Alive to NYC 1978, despite their similarities. If you like the Ramones, this is worth picking up. I like the Ramones.

I am not, however, going to do a track by track commentary on It’s Alive. You didn’t come here to read album reviews and I didn’t come here to write them.

I would like to talk about my mixtape maker. So far, we have someone who doesn’t so much make mixtapes as someone who transfers albums from tape (CD?) to tape. So…that’s less interesting.

It also makes me less assured as to who this person is. Mix tapes can speak volumes in the selection and ordering of a few songs. These first two tapes only ask one question; what kind of person listens to Fem2Fem and the Ramones?

Not that that isn’t an interesting question. I’m still thinking this is someone who was a teenager in the late 90’s. No longer sure whether that person is female. Imagine that person having an older sibling or hanging out with an older crowd. Seems like a fan of Fem2Fem would need to be told to seek out the Ramones. Or vice versa.

I’m trying to think who first told me to check out the Ramones; I certainly didn’t discover them on my own. I think it was through Anand Razdan, who was my age, but had an older brother. I know it was Anand who introduced me to Queen. Maybe Kevin Labriola introduced me to the Ramones. I need to dig out my old mixtapes. I know there was one from 1991 on which Kevin featured Nirvana and Ned’s Atomic Dustbin. It may also have included the Ramones.

So, who introduced you to the Ramones, Missy? If Missy is your real name. It may also be Bill. Or Rob. Still might be Angie. Or Jenni. But definitely Jenni with an “i”.

This isn’t the Ramones greatest hits though. You were a more engaged fan than that. Or you stumbled upon a tape of It’s Alive in the dollar bin at Hastings. But I’m going with more engaged. You sought out It’s Alive and also listened to Fem2Fem. Who does that make you, Missy? I think it makes you either oversexed or angry or both. Or neither, but struggling to be both. Or both, but struggling to be neither. Were you a punk in high school? Did you wear plaid or all black? Either way, you almost certainly listened to Nine Inch Nails. They seem to be the only possible link between Fem2Fem and the Ramones.

Where do we go from here, Missy? Missy is short for Melissa, right? Does your mom call you Melissa? Do you hate when she does that, or is she just the one person who can?

Let’s hang out some more, Missy. And let’s have a real mix tape, OK? I’m not in the mood to hear all of Ween’s Chocolate and Cheese.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Tape 1

Tape 1/Track 1

Space sounds? Whale noises? Is that Sting? Is this Enya?

This isn’t Sting. Still might be Enya. Or Enigma. Or someone trying to sound like Sarah MacLachlan.

I don’t know what this is, but it is bad. That said, in 1990, I’d have thought this was great. Not off the charts maybe, but good.

The lead singer is female and has this laughably put on sultry voice and keeps saying things like “take me now” and “I hear the beast” and something about being up against a tree.

Wait. It just kicked into another gear. What seconds before sounded like Enigma now sounds like bad Madonna or the Bangles. Maybe Janet Jackson. She keeps saying “we are the wild ones.” Is that the title? Should I google this, or just go with it?

If I had to guess, just from this first track, a teenage girl (maybe a young woman in college) made this mix.

OK, now it’s getting a kind of 90’s dance club feel. The lyrics are raunchier. Now the lead singer is singing “insatiable” on repeat. That’s my new guess for song title.

Whoa, now we’re talking about “a gag in the mouth” and I think someone got licked. If a girl (I still think it’s a girl) gave me this mix in high school, I’d have been extremely nervous about said girl.

“Insatiable” on repeat and fade out. Wow.

Tape 1/Track 2

Same 90’s dance club feel, this time right from the start. I think this might be the same woman. What if this isn’t a mix tape? What if this is just one album by one artist? Oh man, please don’t be one album.

“Have you seen my bustier?” the lead singer asks and asks like she wants to show it to you, not like she misplaced it.

I hate this song.

Tape 1/Track 3

This is definitely one album by one artist. Can I fast forward through this?

Curiosity got the best of me and I started looking up lyrics on Google. No luck. Tried lyrics from 3 tracks. Nothing.

Is it possible that this is a home recording of unreleased stuff? That does heighten my interest. Much as I’m unsure about the girl (woman?) who might have carried around this album in her walkman, I am far more curious about the woman who might have recorded it in a home studio. Hmmm…

This stuff is Madonna on her worst day. This track is definitely inspired by Vogue, except that it is truly awful.

“Let’s you and me bump and grind…” she suggests. Bump and grind? This was recorded in…1996. I’m guessing ’96. I was definitely about to graduate college when this was recorded.

Tape 1/Track 4

It’s official. This is one artist/one album. Possibly songs from various albums by the same artist. This music is so time specific it makes me nostalgic, despite the fact that I’m hearing it for the first time. It makes me think of Sophie B. Hawkins, even though it sounds nothing like her. It makes me think of 4 Non Blondes.

I think this song is called Compulsive Jane. It is certainly about someone called Compulsive Jane.

When I enter “Compulsive Jane” into Wikipedia, I am directed to Fem2Fem. Wikipedia has this to say about Fem2Fem:

Fem2Fem was a 1990s techno group who released two albums. With actress Lezlie Deane of Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare as a member, Fem2Fem were the first and (so-far only) openly lesbian pop group to chart. But only some of the members of Fem2Fem were lesbians, and according to lead singer Michele Crispin their intentions at the beginning were to promote a healthy view of sexuality with their music, regardless of sexual orientation. However, an appearance by the band in the December 1993 issue of Playboy magazine and the non-political nature of their Sapphic lyrics led to criticism by some in the LGBT community that the band was merely playing to the prurient interests of a heterosexual male audience.

Wow. I don’t know about “prurient interests of a heterosexual male audience,” but the rest of this is dead on. It makes perfect sense that Lezlie Deane is a member of this band, and I don’t even know who Lezlie Deane is. Still, I cannot imagine the heterosexual male who would listen to this music.

(From Wikipedia: Fem2Fem went on to star in the erotic cyber-musical Voyeurz…running for six months and drawing an audience of celebrities including Jack Nicholson.)

You know what? I could see Jack Nicholson taking “prurient interest” in this band. Absolutely.

The track just cut off in the middle. End of side A? Too soon. Check tape. Not too soon. End of side A.  I think I might have gotten distracted by Wikipedia and allowed tracks to flow into one another without my noticing.

Tape 1/Track 9?

A song called Scream Queen kicks off side B. Wikipedia informs me that Scream Queen is track 9 on the Fem2Fem album titled Animus. How did I miss 5 tracks?!

Wait. Track 5 is supposed to be Compulsive Jane. Is this a mix of the best stuff off of Animus? Will pay close attention to the next track to see how this plays out.

Tape 1/Track 10?

This track is called Worship, which is track 10 on Animus. Will stick around for another track just to see if we’ve got the entire album on here. Can’t see how I missed 5 tracks.

FYI, Worship is the worst track on this tape, by far. And that is saying something. Fem2Fem are really bad.

Tape 1/Track ??

All she sang was “lay me down…come to me” on repeat for about 90 seconds. No idea what song that was supposed to be. Animus does not feature a song titled Lay Me Down nor one titled Come To Me.

Tape 1/Track 12

OK, Where Did Love Go? is supposed to follow Animus (title track), which follows Worship. So, that last song must have been Animus.

(From Wikipedia: The cover of their first album, including the font, was designed to be a distaff version of Trans-Europe Express by Kraftwerk.)

This track will not end. I think she just keeps saying “yeah” and “no no” over and over again.

I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to assume that this tape doesn’t suddenly segue into Stripped by Depeche Mode. I’m out. On to tape 2.

Oh. One last thing from Wikipedia: Alitzah (that’s right, one of the members has just one name) left the group early on and later became the lead singer for the American pop girl group Nobody’s Angel.


Album just ended as I was typing. Little bit of dead air and...end of side B.

That was awful. If I had to guess, this mixtape was made by an 18 year old straight girl named...Angie.

No.

Missy.

Trash and Treasure

They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. But, sometimes, one man's treasure becomes the same man's trash. And, in rarer instances, that first man's trash can become another man's treasure. That is what this blog will set out to discover.

The yard sale came first. Well... technically, the mix tapes came first, but the yard sale was where I came in. The yard sale where I stumbled upon a drawer full of an unknown person's mix tapes. "You can use them as blanks," I was told, "25 cents a piece."

But I didn't want to use them as blanks. I wanted to see what it would be like to know, literally, nothing about a person except for the mix tapes that they had, at one time, cared enough to make.

So, this blog will be where I dissect a stranger's mix tapes, one tape at a time, track by track. I have no idea what I am in for. I am excited to hear.